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Compassionate Friends

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My Personal Story

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Michael Paul

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I did not join the organization because I wanted to.
I joined because, like all of you, my child died.
This page was created because I wanted you to know that you are not alone.
When this tragedy occured, I felt like I was the only one in the world that this had ever happened to.
Now I know, unfortunatly, that I was not.

When I got pregnant with my second child,
it was a surprise, but we were overjoyed.
When at the beginning of the pregnancy, I started to have
severe cramping, I was terrified that once again, I was losing a baby. (my first pregnancy miscarried in the first month)
My doctor ordered me on complete bedrest for 2 weeks.
Next ultrasound, perfect baby.
From the very beginning, I knew something was wrong,
call it maternal instinct, call it whatever you want, I was not feeling "right."
My pregnancy continued on uneventful enough, the 4th month, I was diagnosed with a low lying placenta and put on bedrest again.
Bedrest over, ultrasound showed perfect baby.
I still knew my baby was not developing normally.
I told every doctor, nurse, etc. I could that the baby wasn't moving enough and that I felt I had an extraordinary amount of amniotic fluid.
Everything was fine, everyone said. Every pregnancy is different, subsequent children tend to be felt moving less.
I was still unsure and scared.
June 23rd, 2000, one day after my 23rd birthday, and the day of my son's 2nd birthday, I go into premature labor. (I wasn't due until Sept. 7th)
I went into the delivery ward in full blown labor (I knew it), the nurse said, "You must have a bladder infection."
It turned out I was 8 cm. dialated.
My son was born 1 hour later.
A full medical team awaited his birth.
He was immediatly taken.
I could'nt bring myself to look at him. In my mind, I knew he was going to die.
As I was being prepared to go an see Michael Paul, they told me he had died a few minutes before.
He had some facial malformations, but they did not want to guess at what was wrong yet.
The autopsy was done, genetic tests, only to determine he had full Trisomy 18.
So, I did not join this group because I wanted to, I joined
this group because they're like my second family. I don't have to put on a brave face there. I won't say anything that these people haven't already felt before.

So, thank you, Compassionate Friends,

Amy

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